கொலை

ஒரே அடிதான் அடித்தேன். தலை தெறித்து இரத்த வெள்ளத்தில் கிடந்தான். கொலை செய்யணும் எண்ணமே எனக்கு இல்லை.  ஆனா கோபம் வந்துட்டா என்ன செய்றேன்னு தெரியல.  ஆத்திரக்காரனுக்கு புத்தி மட்டு என்ற பழமொழியை பெரியவங்க சும்மாவா சொன்னாங்க. இன்னைக்கு தான் இந்த பழமொழி புரிந்தது.  நினைத்து பார்த்தாலே பயமாயிருக்கு. நானா இப்படி செய்தேன்னு எனக்கே வியப்பாயிருக்கு.

HE LOVED HER IV

"What are you doing this weekend", she asked him on a Wednesday morning when they were going to office in the bus.

"No plans.  Why, do you have any plans?", he replied.

"Why don't you come to my home?" she said to him.

He was really surprised because it was the first time ever a girl had asked him to come to her house.  He couldn't think whether he could take her into his home.  He replied "OK, I'll come".

Though he said he'll come, he wasn't sure even on Saturday morning whether he was ready to go to her home.  He was little nervous.  He almost called her to inform that he was not coming but he did not want to disappoint her.  He called up before starting from his home.  She asked him to give a missed call once he reaches the nearest bus stop to her home so that she can pick him up from there.  All the way he was thinking how would her household would react on his presence.  Then it dawned upon him that it was the first time for him to go to her house and not the first time for her to invite her male friends or colleagues to her home.

She introduced him to her mom and she served him coffee.  They started talking, laughing, giggling, sharing everything about themselves and everything under the sun.  Lunch time came and she offered him to have lunch at her home.  He was a little hesitant but then she eventually persuaded him to have it and also her mom had prepared for him as well.  By the time, he came back washing his hands, lunch was served at the dining table.  He sat for it and turned to see her and she was laughing.  He gave a puzzled look and she told him that he was so hesitant to have lunch but now was sitting for the food that was served for her grandmother.

Both of them were completely out of their shells and came to know more about each other that day.  She always had a good memory so she used to remember the date when they met for the first time, the date when they talked for the first time and so her memory made a mental note of the date he came to her home for the first time.

Evening came and they were silent, sitting next to each other and pondering how they are becoming close friends.  She laid her head over his shoulders and he loved that moment.  He never dreamt in the wildest of his dreams that he would have such a close friend.  The moment was short-lived as he felt someone at the door and turn to see who it was.  Her father, entering the house just as she took her head off his shoulders.  He could see the shock on her father's face when he yelled at her daughter "What are you doing?" and went in.

He could see her shivering.  He had heard sometime from her that her father was very strict and now he was saw that man.  Her father came back with his clothes changed, sat on the chair across them and put his leg over the other.  He looked at her and then at her friend, sternly and asked "What would you do when you enter your house and see your mom's head on shoulder of some man who is not your father?"  She was about to explain but he silenced her just by his look and returned to him, expecting an answer.  She somehow gathered courage and she looked at her friend and asked him to leave home.

Who wouldn't be irate when someone comments about one's mother?  More than daughters, sons are more emotionally attached to their mothers and he was no exception.  He walked back home and his mind was wondering that only few minutes ago he was so happy for such a close friend and now he was unhappy that his mom was insulted because of the same friend.

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HE LOVED HER III

HE LOVED HER II

HE LOVED HER

HE LOVED HER III

After the break-up, she noticed that he has reduced his personal talks with her but he was always available whenever she needed him.  She was surprised to see that he never brought up their break-up topic whenever they spoke.  He behaved like such an incident never happened.  Little did she know that he was excellent in deviating his mind and that was his strength.  And she was also afraid to start that topic with him.  However, she always had that guilty conscious of breaking up with him without letting him know what the reason was.  After a week, an organization change was announced and he had to join some other team in a different workspace location.  She was sad to know that he had to move away.  He had understood her so well that he knew that she felt her conscious pricking her whenever she saw or talked with him.  He did not want her to feel bad because of his presence so he  had applied for a change of workspace and it was granted without any objection.  However, he made sure that she should not be aware that it was he who initiated the location change instead as the company ordered it.

Few weeks later, he moved into another company and even he changed his number.  After that, they lost contact of each other.  Though he was so good in distracting his mind away from thoughts of her, there was never a morning that dawned without he pronouncing her name or a night that slipped without he thinking about her before going to sleep.  After a few months, he called her and he really caught her by surprise.  She told him that she was trying to reach him after he changed his job but the number was out of service.  Then they agreed to meet.  She had changed her residence again and that was usual because her family did not own a house and they always lived in a rented house.  Because of the change in her residence, she then used to come in train from office and take an auto-rickshaw to her home so she had asked him to meet her at the train station.  He waited for quite some time and finally she came.  For a minute, they stood there, each giving time for their minds to get accustomed of their changed image that had happened since their last meeting. 

She invited him to her home since her parents were not in town and only her sibling was at home.  While walking down the stairs of the subway to get to the other side of the road to get an auto-rickshaw, he held her hand.  No sooner he held her hand, he could feel that she was not the usual person he had known and he could feel the indifference she had when she told him of her break-up with him and he felt that she did not like to hold hands.  He immediately shook his hand.  Then, inside the auto-rickshaw, each were filling the gaps of what each had missed.  He then put his hand on her left thigh, imploring himself that wouldn’t she become the person he used to love but she gently removed his hand off her.  They reached their home.  It was his first visit to that new rented house and so she showed him around the place.  While he was chatting with her sibling, she went in to the kitchen to prepare some quick dish for him.  He went into the kitchen and she was preparing something for him.  With all the longings that he had stored up so far, he hugged her from behind just like old times, thinking the same hug would restore her as his lover but she pushed him off gently, much to his disappointment.  He concealed his disappointment and had whatever she prepared for him and left her home.

He always believed that every man wants to fight a battle and for that, he needs someone to fight for.  There is nothing that inspires a man to courage so much as the woman he loves.  Men fight for beauty and his pursuit brings her beauty.  Here, the woman herself has left the man and he did not know what to fight for.  He walked all the way home pondering all this in his heart, knowing for what he has to fight for the rest of his life.  However, by the time he reached his home, he had found the reason to fight for the rest of his life.

HE LOVED HER II

They were working in the same office but different project teams so he hardly noticed her but he was noticed among everyone because of his brace and charm. Her project got over and her team was dissolved. Everyone of that team was integrated to the other existing team and she was moved to his team. Only then he came to know that such a girl existed. When she started to witness his brace and charm closer every day, she longed to become his friend. And the longing grew every time she heard him joking and commenting with his peers. He never talked with her expect officially and that too happened once a while as both of their jobs were different in the team. Whenever she talked with him officially, his responses were always short and to the point and she used to wonder whether her longing would be fulfilled.

He was only aware of her presence until he saw how she behaved with others especially with the male peers. He started to respect her and admire her. When she volunteered to buy drinks for everyone during an inter-office game practice, he thought she was special. He then started sending her forwarded mails and started chatting with her using the internal jabber. She was really surprised at his initiative to talk with her because he had always spoken very little and officially. At first, she couldn’t understand him and most of the time she was confused on what he was talking about. However, their conversation over the jabber grew day by day. To certain extent, they had the same likes and dislikes. At one point, he admitted to her that he saw a mirror image of himself in her. When she heard that, she was so overjoyed that it became one of the best moments in her life. That day, her wish of becoming his friend was on the verge of being fulfilled.

Though he used to talk so much over the internal jabber but in person, he talked only official matters to her. She was always surprised how he could maintain two different behaviors, one on the chat and the other off the chat. She found the answer on the day she sat next to him in the office bus. She had changed her residence and it was on his way to home/office. In the initial days, her friend used to reserve a seat for her. Then, once her friend’s shift timings had changed, she would get the seats in the last row only since those were the least preferred ones. On that particular day, there was a seat available next to him. She first hesitated but then decided to take the seat after he acknowledged her presence with a smile. He slowly started speaking with her and on that day she came to know that he can talk non-stop. He spoke everything under the sun and she was amazed how much he knew about. Their relationship on the bus grew day by day and it became a routine for them that he started to reserve a seat for her.

To him, though he was friend to everyone in his team, he never considered anybody as his friend since he never exposed his real feelings to anybody. To her, though she had many friends and some were very close to her, she never had a friend only to herself. When these two people met, they touched each other’s longings, unconsciously.

HE LOVED HER

All that she could give him was a farewell hug when she decided to break up with him. The only reason that she gave for the break up is that it was impossible for their relationship to continue forever. When he asked the reason for such a decision, she had no answer. Whenever he felt that it was impossible, it was she who gave him the confidence that it will happen because she strongly believed in it but now when she herself had said that it was impossible, he lost hopes. This had been the reason that had kept them in expressing their love for each other in the initial days of their relationship. She had so many friends but she could never feel anyone of them that belonged only to her. She wanted a friend for herself. Even though he too had many friends, he never exposed his real feelings to anyone. He was alone everywhere – alone with friends, alone with family, even alone in a crowd. He always believed that one day he would have a friend, a friend only for himself and that would be his wife. Yes, he was waiting for his wife, the only person that would ever belong only to him until he met her but now everything changed and he felt as if the whole world is turning up against him.

He was shattered by her decision to break-up because that meant he would have to go back to square one – alone again. And what hurt him more now was the realization of being dumped after being loved by someone. If she had not come into his life, he would have agonized only for living alone but now he had to go thru a more painful experience of learning that he was once loved but now ditched. He did not know what to do but he did not even want to convince her. It was then that the final and farewell hug happened. He left without saying a word to her. She shed a tear and he did not understood whether that tear is for the joy of their relationship so far or for the conclusion of their relationship today.

All the way to his home, his despair never lost momentum. He was thinking, thinking and thinking on what could have went wrong. Even when their friends did not understand them but hurled accusations against her, she stood for him and decided that they would never part. There were many instances where they covered for each other and stood for each other but he had no clue on what had made her to jilt him. That night, he couldn't even cry because his mind was racing only towards the reason for the break up. He did not know when he slept. The next day, he woke up as if everything was normal. He acted normal. Whatever he did on that was so normal that even a close friend would not say that he was dumped last night. He spoke with everyone like any other day. He had his usual breakfast, went to office and started working. Even during the lunch, his face never showed a hint of his despair. He was jovial with everyone as usual and was a little more efficient in his work that day. When she saw him behaving no different even towards her, she thought he had become insensible to his pain.

That night, his consciousness, not being able to hold the curiosity asked him why he never cried after losing his beloved one. He was silent. It continues asking whether he had loved her truly to which he replied affirmative. His consciousness was confused and thought that this guy has really gone nuts. He then replied calmly, "I did love her truly and with all that I had. There has never been a day where I did not imagine how our relationship would continue forever. I had discussed with her everyday on this. Even now, I don't know the reason why she jilted me. All I know is that I loved her, whatever may come. May be I loved the wrong person, may be I loved a person who was not worthy of it but the truth remains that I loved her and that too truly. Yes, it is very painful to know that the person whom you loved so much is not reciprocating thereafter but I have loved her so much that it takes very less of me to be painful as most of me still loving her. It is she that should be crying for neglecting my love and this relationship and not me."

It was the day that the skies were never so clear for the consciousness. Both slept peacefully thereafter but that little pain in him did not.